Brian is sitting alone in the pavillion. At first glance he looks to be one of the five men at this activity that are still in their 30's.
*deep breath*
"Hi, is anyone sitting here?" He looks up with a smile, "No, go ahead." Seeing him face to face I notice that he is a little older, wait, A LOT older than I first thought. I don't want to be rude so we converse until there's nothing left to say and then I begin to scan the pavillion. . . .
12 o'clock, table of women
3 o'clock, table of women
6 o'clock, table of women
9 o'clock, a Man! yes that's a MAN! . . . surrounded by a crowd of women.*sigh*
I now scan the perimeter. After two or three sweeps I focus in on two men who just arrived. One looks shy and a little backward but the other one is cute and seems normal. Excellent. I pull out my check list:
1. Man . . . check
2. Younger than 45 . . . check
I'm OK to go.
I decide to practice my femine skills. I will give him signs that I am interested and let him take the lead. He and his friend sit down facing me but two tables away. I proceed to glance at his table often in order to catch his eye. After several attempts we finally make eye contact. I smile and wave. He smiles back with kind eyes. I watch. I wait. He doesn't move. He doesn't wave. My heart falls. He is no different than every other man. Tonight is no different than every other night. NOTHING is going to come of this except embarassement and pain. Suddenly I feel exhausted with the weight of years of rejection and loneliness on my shoulders. It is such a small blow but after years and years inside the ring I am bruised and sensitive. I resign to the grassy hill outside of the pavillion with the other girls who have sighed their last affirmation. I feel myself crawling into my shell for protection.
The speaker starts and drones on and on through the worn topics of faith and hope while I stare at my phone in disbelief that it is only 6:30pm. Speed dating doesn't start until 10pm. I have THREE AND A HALF HOURS!
*deep breath*
I have options:
1. Get the HELL out of here.
2. Call someone to help pass the time.
3. Try my luck at Hogle Zoo where the odds, unfortunately, seem better.
4. Stay in the most painful and awkward situation since the Activity of '96* and continue to master my femine skills.
*The Activity of '96 was a USU ward activity in which a committee paired up the boys of the ward with the girls of the ward for dinner and dancing. It was an unforgetable expirience, unfortunately. My date answered all of my questions with two words or less and never looked me in the eye. When I had run out of energy trying to keep the conversation alive I let him loose to dance and eventially go home with a girl he was obviously more interested in. I told myself over and over it was not a big deal but I still I felt the bruise from the massive blow.
It all comes down to the fact that I really want to speed date. Plus it guarantees me a conversation with the kind-eyed, cute one, so I stay in the awkard situation. The band is playing a selection of music from the 50's and 60's. All of the people in the pavillion are having a great time dancing and singing along, so I get up to join them and at least enjoy the music. I begin to walk into the pavillion when I notice him sitting by himself, the cute one with kind eyes. My heart is pounding, my eyes are dilating and my legs aren't moving. What should I do?
*deep breath*
I decide to stick with my original plan and "encourage" him so I reaffirmed that my hair is soft and curly around my face and that I have sexy, Calvin Klien jeans and a red, hot shirt. I proceed to walk toward him. As I approached I slow down every so slightly . . .
eye contact
smile
"hi"
smile back
"hi" back
starting to stand
pause midgait
sits down
continue walking
*sigh*
I sit at the table directly in front of him and proceed to relax and enjoy the band. Several songs begin and end and I've just about forgotten where I am when someone taps me on the shoulder. . . "Would you like to dance?"
car. Once I'm in the car I am too lazy to get out so I end up driving to the destination. This is how I've done it for years. A lot of times I have a friend I go with who keeps the affirmations coming but this time I went alone. I was going for one reason and one reason alone, a good story for my blog. I am 32 and need a good story. 
